You're not alone. Thousands of people are going through the same thing you are right now. Don't believe me? Type in "break up forums" into Google. There are over 82 million sites devoted to that one topic - helping people deal with the pain of a break up, and getting back with an ex.
That means that there is a lot of advice going around out there. You don't have the time to go through 82 million sites, so I am going to tell you what the experts suggest on how to deal with break up pains, depression from break ups and break up sadness.
1- It's Not All Your Fault
You have to remember that the break up is not entirely your fault. In fact it may not be your fault at all. Take a step back, get out a pad and paper (this is crucial, just thinking about it won't cut it) and write down all the things that you think factored into the break up.
Identifying what went wrong will help you understand what happened in the relationship and why it ended. It will help you identify areas that you can improve on and help you set some meaningful goals to improve yourself.
2- Back Off
If you just went through a break up, you are probably feeling a lot of deep emotional pains. You might have thought of getting back with your ex, and how to do it. Maybe you've already tried?
Well, the best thing you can do to ease the pain is to back off your ex. Don't call, text, email, IM - no contact at all. If your ex calls and wants to see you, tell them no. It will only make it harder to get over him/her and might re-ignite the flame causing more hurt in the long run.
You have to let go. Just let go. Of course you may have to communicate to coordinate moving arrangements, contracts, etc, but keep it to a minimum and at a platonic level.
3- It's OK to cry.
Guys, this goes for you too. Accept the pain. It is perfectly OK (and even healthy) to cry. It will help release a lot of the pain you feel, and help you deal with the pain. It's OK to be hurt and sad. It is good to accept some of the responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings.
But you have to remember that you are still a good person, that you tried your best and you are DEFINATELY not the only one who made mistakes. Acceptance of what happened is key to being able to move on.
4. Talk to loved ones
This could be friends, parents, roomates, family, co workers and anyone you feel comfortable talking to. Chances are they have been through something similiar and can give you some good advice. Maybe they have an insight to the relationship that you hadn't noticed. Maybe you've decided that you really want to get back with your ex?
Spend time with them. FORCE yourself to get out of the house and enjoy yourself. You will be amazed at how willing your friends will be to hang out with you when you tell them you've just gone through a break up and want to get back into the social scene. More people care about you than you realize so take advantage of thier help.
5. Write it all down
This is one of my favorites. Open up a word doc, title it "My Feelings" and just start writing. Write whatever comes into your head. Some call this "stream of consciousness" writing. You will write all of your feelings, your hurt, the pain, everything. Just keep writing until you can't write any more.
Save it and keep it somewhere. You can add to it later or just delete it altogether, it's up to you. The important thing is that you share your feelings-that you don't bottle up your emotions until they explode inside of you. Remember to be completley honest with yourself. No one else is going to read this so don't hold back.
6. Make a list.
Make a list of all the things you didn't like about your ex. Be honest here. If he was overly rude to you, write that down. If she selfish with her time and emotions, write it down. You also might want to write another list of all the things you DID like about him/her. This might convince you to get back with your ex.
If you are feeling weak, and want to call him/her, or text them, get out the list, read it a couple of times and ask yourself, "Is this really worth it? Do I want to put myself through this again?" this technique is very effective, so if you haven't made a list, do it now.
FREE Download of Magic Of Making Up
Download the first Chapter of the best-selling ebook now! The Magic of Making Up System has helped reunite over 6,100 "hopeless" couples in over 67 countries.
Download the first chapter in PDF form here, and see why this book has everyone talking.
Now is the time to take control of your relationship!
No comments:
Post a Comment